What is divorce mediation?

Divorce mediation is a voluntary process in which the two parties, with the help of the mediator, negotiate a settlement without resorting to litigation. The settlement agreement (called the memorandum of understanding) becomes part of the legal divorce decree.

How much time does it take?

The parties involved determine how quickly the process moves. Mediation can move much more quickly than litigation because there are fewer schedules to juggle and far less bureaucratic red tape to wade through. If you need to slow down and deal with particular issues more carefully, there are no court dates imposing deadlines on you. Most couples will need between three and six sessions to cover all the issues, although it can take less or more time depending on your unique circumstances.

How much does mediation cost?

Most mediators charge an hourly rate – in Chicago it ranges from $100 to $350 – which is still considerably less than what a lawyer would charge. Depending on how complex your situation is you may need anywhere from three to six or more sessions. My hourly rate is $125 with a two-hour minimum per session and two sessions paid up front. I also ask for $500 as a retainer for the work I will do on your behalf outside of the sessions. To mediate a simple divorce with me, then, would cost approximately $1250. A more typical case involving children and property might take five sessions, or $1750. If you choose to stop mediating, any monies not billed will be returned within 10 days. Keep in mind you may also need to pay for professional advice during the course of mediation – a financial planner or tax attorney – and both of you will have to hire a lawyer to read through the final document on your behalf, and then one lawyer will be hired to enter it into the court system, adding at least another $1000 to the total.

Is mediation better than litigation?

If you are interested in saving time, money and mutual respect, then, Yes – mediation is better than litigation. (see Mediation vs. Litigation for a complete discussion of the differences.)

However, there are a few instances when mediation is not advised:

·                    If either of you grossly and consistently lies to the other about money and important things then there will be no basis for trust during the mediation;

·                    If either of you has been verbally or physically abusive to the other and you have reason to fear that this will continue during mediation;

·                    If either you or your spouse is currently addicted to drugs or alcohol or has any physical condition that would make rational, informed-consent impossible.

Under any of these conditions, mediation is not advisable.

Can I be litigating and mediating at the same time?

No. Once you have committed to try to work things out using mediation you need to honor the process and establish the basis for trust between the two of you by agreeing not to litigate at the same time that you are mediating. However, you are not locked into mediating! Either of you can withdraw at any time for any reason. The only proviso is that you both agree in writing not to be litigating while you are attempting to settle your issues through mediation.

How do I protect my legal rights during mediation?

There are numerous safeguards during the mediation process that ensure that no one’s legal rights are being trammeled. Illinois statutes on divorce and custody issues are readily available online, and there are numerous books and websites and legal aid clinics where you can get answers to specific questions. It may be advisable for a lawyer to sit in on one of the mediation sessions to answer questions. When the memorandum of understanding is in rough draft form, both parties must take it to a consulting attorney who will check it over to make sure that it does not stray too far from state guidelines and that you are not signing away rights because you are uninformed.

How do the meetings work?

Most mediation sessions last two or three hours and will involve both spouses and the mediator sitting in a room together and discussing the issues openly. There may occasionally be times when it would be more productive for the mediator to meet separately with each spouse and act as a go-between for awhile. This is called “caucusing.” The mediator may keep notes to help keep things on track. You may invite various experts, such as financial planners or child psychologists, to participate in an advisory capacity for one of the sessions.

What is the mediator’s role?

The mediator is an advocate for fairplay and mutual agreement. The mediator may play many roles within the process of mediation – coaching, being a referee, finding resources, keeping attention focused on issues, calling time-outs, encouraging, clarifying, reminding, acting as a sounding board, challenging, brainstorming – but the mediator is always neutral and never makes decisions for the couple. The mediator controls the process, the parties control the outcome.

What if my spouse won’t mediate?

There are many reasons that your spouse may be reluctant to enter mediation, but lack of information is probably the first one. Please refer your spouse to this website. You may both want to read the pair of articles called: What to do if you want to mediate and your spouse does not / What to do if your spouse wants to mediate and you do not.  You may ask your spouse to read the comparison between litigation and mediation and suggest that for financial reasons alone you may want to give it a try. The bottom line is – it takes two.

If I still have questions after reading your website, can I call you?

Of course. I am happy to answer any questions about mediation that may not have been addressed here. Keep in mind that I am not a lawyer and cannot answer questions that have legal remedies. I will be able to direct you to resources where some of those kinds of questions can be asked. Do remember that whatever happens, you have more power in this process than you might feel right now and that in the long run, as one of our wisest citizens noted:

The arc of the moral universe is long,

but it bends toward justice!

~ Dr.Martin Luther King

 Rev. Rebecca Armstrong