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Soul-Based
Mediation
What It Is
Mediation comes
from a Latin word medius which simply means “being in the middle.”
Mediation has a long history in the both the East and West and was the
normative method of dispute resolution. Litigation is a relatively recent
invention. Confucius urged resolution through moral persuasion and agreement
rather than coercion as early as the sixth century BC. Japan and India both
have long traditions of mediators. African wisdom is very rich in describing
the role of the village wise person in dispute resolution. Islam employs
special persons called Quadis to preserve social harmony through mediation
and Rabbinical Judaism uses the Torah as the wisdom holder through which a
consensus can be reached. In Christianity it was the term used to describe
the role that Christ played in the cosmic system as “the great mediator
between heaven and earth.”
In contemporary
terms, mediation is an informal, voluntary
process intended to resolve conflicts without resorting to arbitration (an
imposed settlement) or litigation (a presumption of hostility.) The
mediator is a person with no vested interest in the outcome
(neutrality) who assists the parties in reaching mutually acceptable
agreements to their issues. The role of the mediator is to assist the
parties in identifying the issues, reduce misunderstandings, clarify
priorities, explore areas of compromise, find points of agreement, and hold
the space for creative brainstorming (proactive coaching.) Any agreement
reached by the parties is always based on the decisions of the parties and
not the desires of the mediator, and is not part of any public record
(confidentiality) unlike litigated settlements which become part of the
court record.
There are many styles of mediation, ranging from extremely
laissez-faire to very directive. Mediation can be of the cut-and-dried
variety, where all attention is focused on getting through the issues and
arriving at a settlement, or it can pay attention to other values and
concerns of the parties. My style of mediation is based in the tradition
called Transformative Mediation, which holds that the very process of
mediating opens possibilities of self-reflection, knowledge, understanding,
empowerment and compassion that actually leave the participants better-off
than before they started the process.
Most mediators come from the social services sector, such as
counselors and therapists, and there is a growing movement among lawyers to
strive for “collaborative justice” and participate in mediation. Then there
is a long-standing tradition of clergy acting as mediators and using the
parties’ identification with certain spiritual or ethical principles as a
basis for working towards peaceful settlement of conflict.
In this line of
tradition, I have developed what I call Soul-Based Mediation. What that
means is that I act not as an advisor -- suggesting how or what you should
do --but as a coach, helping the two of you to arrive at deeper mutual
understandings leading to creative solutions by utilizing your spiritual
strengths. As a Unitarian-trained Humanist, I do not impose any specific
religious tradition, but follow the conviction that each one of us has a
capacity for reason and compassion based on our "higher self" or "soul" that
strives for wisdom, wholeness, integrity, joy, fairness, enlightenment, etc.
I must stress
that as a minister I do not hold any hidden agenda concerning “the sacred
bonds of matrimony” – see my article called
The Marriage Body, or my Divorce
Manifesto – but simply desire that you should be able to make these
important decisions with the most wisdom, compassion and courage of which
you are capable.
I would be very
happy to speak with you further to describe the process in more depth and
let you ask questions. Call for a phone appointment anytime, or a face-to
face meeting on Saturday or weekday evenings.
Wishing you
love and courage during this challenging time! ~
Rev. Rebecca
Articles on Mediation by Rev. Rebecca
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